May 29th, 2011

MISC teapot

losing all the words I need

I have installed a small desk lamp beside my computer monitor. I have learned enough from my photographer friends the importance of the quality of light. Distance allowed me to think of these things: how I should look good in front of a video camera, how to put on a nice dress when I have no intention of going out, how important it is to understand different time zones. Distance forced me to learn these things, things I had no prior intention of learning.

It has been eight months. Perhaps it would be eight or eighteen months more. The uncertainty leaves me feeling placeless.

(See, I have lost the important words to describe these things.)

I don't know how to write here anymore. Not like this when I am certain that people will take note of my loneliness. Let me not be defined by it.